An Update

Hello all. It's been a very long time since we last blogged. I'm alive and well. Better than well in fact! As I'm sure you can imagine moving and getting settled in a new city, as well as moving in with your boyfriend and both of you getting settled takes some time. I really just needed to focus all my efforts on that and finding a job. When I last wrote I said that I was up for a job and would be finding out one way or the other about it by the end of that week. Never heard from them at all. I even emailed their HR/recruiters to inquire if the position had been filled, and never heard back from them. So perhaps I dodged a bullet on that one. I did however find a job shortly after that and I'm happy to report that I am loving it. It's a much bigger company than I am used to and I have way more responsibilities, but I welcome the challenge and the opportunity to learn and grow. 

Drew and I are doing well, and so far we've encountered no major conflicts. While I like the apartment we live in now, it is only a one bedroom and we both would like to have more space. So we are currently on the hunt for a house. It is proving more daunting that I expected. But we are on a month to month lease so we don't have any real pressure to find something quick. I want it to be something I love rather than just a place I wouldn't mind living in. 

So, that's been the happenings around here. Drew and I are are playing on a kickball team with some of my work co-workers this spring that I'm excited about. Also I've signed up for the Dam to Dam this year and hope to have better results and a non fractured foot this year. I've also signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon and am sooooo excited to tackle this challenge. It will be tough but I cannot wait for the feeling of achievement you get when you finish a distance race. 2012 is sure shaping up to be amazing!

I can't wait to catch up with everyone . I hope your 2012's are just as amazing!

Cheers!

Marisa

5 Years Ago Today

Normally every February 8th I write a letter to my dad. In my letter I tell him about whats going on in my life, how everyone is doing and most importantly how much I miss him. However this week has been so much tougher than I thought it would be. Not only because of today, but I am up for a job and it's between myself and one other person. Please spare me the whole, "you'll of course get the job" because no matter how much I tell myself that, I know there is a real possibility that I won't get it. And the thought of being such a huge disappointment on this week of all weeks is really more than I can bear right now. 

I don't know if my dad would agree with the decisions I've made, but I know he'd be supportive. I miss that. I miss that the most. Unconditional support. Not that Drew is not supportive but despite my apparent flippant attitude towards family, I wish that I had the kind of family that I could always count on. That I know I could call and they would be there for me no matter what. I suppose I do have that, just not in biological family. I had that with my dad. And I suppose right now more than ever I miss it. 

Whatever the outcome of this job, I'm going to try to stay positive. Runner's up generally go on to win a crown, I should know I've been there before. I'm going to try not to let it ruin my weekend, or let it be a nasty blow to my self esteem. I suppose that's the best any of us can do, and I think my dad would be proud of that attitude. 

Cheers,

Marisa

Lucid Dreaming

I'm a lucid dreamer. Are you? It's kind of an awesome thing really, it prevents nightmares from scaring the bejeezus out of me and also allows me to dictate my dreams ending. Which usually involves me being a bad ass and going all John McClane on someone. Anyways, while I allow myself to indulge my inner Die Hard fantasies, I always try to focus on what happened before I realized I was dreaming. I'm a firm believer that dreams are a manifestation of certain things going on in our lives that may be be bothering us that we aren't aware of or don't realize how much they are bothering us. Take Sunday night for an example:

So in my dream, I'm in some college town that I assume is supposed to be Ames, but it doesn't look a thing like Ames. Besides the point. I'm going to some house party to meet Drew and when I get there these two girls start talking to me and I have no idea who they are but they tell me I should ask Drew how his weekend was and I'm like alright you dumb whores I will. So I find him, and am all sooooo how was your weekend? (pretty sure it was the weekend in my dream...whatever I'm not a genius) and he's all oh it was fine. And the dumb whores behind me chime in something to the fact that he had hooked up with someone else. So dream self is all wtf is that true? To which he replies, well yeah, you live in Des Moines. It's at this point that I realize that I'm dreaming because dream self gets upset and storms outside and is making sobbing sounds but I. Can't. Cry. And in my dream I am all WHY AREN"T YOU CRYING? THIS IS THE SADDEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! Thats when I knew that I couldn't cry, because this isn't real because this would never happen. The boy who sends me good morning texts from his hunting tree perch to wish me a wonderful day and sends me emails that have strategically placed thought out emoticons wouldn't do that. So instead of going all John McClane in college dream land, I just woke up. 

I made myself wake up because I knew exactly why this dream happened. I've been stressing out about relocating to Minneapolis lately. I'm terrified that it could take me forever to find a job. And while I know I'm not technically from Iowa (and by technically I mean I'm not at all) this is still my home. And this is where my family is at. Okay not my biological family but the family I'm closest to. I truly do want, more than anything, to move and finally live in the same city, but my anxiety/ocd does not allow me to just skedaddle on out of Des Moines. There are so many things I want to make sure are thought out first, but sometimes it's just too overwhelming. 

Anyone ever had to relocate? Any advice? Suggestions? Good therapists in Des Moines/Minneapolis...???

Cheers, 

Marisa

Back from the dead: Update

So while I was able to save my blog by transferring admin rights to my new email address, apparently that doesn't keep your reading list or mean you keep following your blogs. So, I've been going back and re-following you all. I'm getting there. Stupid a-hole hackers. Also I've been working on my resume and job searching in Minneapolis. I know, crazy times over here. How many states can I live in before I'm 30? Guess we'll find out! Ugh, time to get back at it. How is it that I can talk up my awesomeness on here, but when it comes to my resume I'm like skills??? OMG I HAVE NO SKILLS!!!!!! Can't think of one thing to say about myself. If anyone has any ideas of things I'm awesome at please leave me a comment. I'd appreciate.

Cheers

Marisa

You keep alive a moment at a time...

Okay seriously Walk by the Foo Fighters has been on repeat non-stop up in here. Neighbors probably love it. But that line has always been my fav, because isn't it the truth? I used to be the queen of overreacting EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE NOW!!!! Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Some obstacle has been tossed in your path and you immediately lose focus on all the other things around you because you HAVE to fix this right now and then that's when you can't breathe, the shakes set in and food? Wait people are supposed to eat daily? Yeah that's how I used to live my life, one "crisis" to the next. Spending hours upon hours agonizing over a  seemingly impossible task or problem, thinking of how I'm going to fail and my life will end and I'll have no friends because who would be friends with a loser like me. This wasn't in the "plan" of how my life was supposed to go. It wasn't until my life did "end" that I actually was able to stop this behavior. Yes despite all the trepidation last year caused me I was faced with two options: I could continue with this self deprecating, anxiety ridden, emotionally damaging way of dealing with my life or, I could muster up the courage to face things head on, rationally, logically and without fear of an apocalyptic failure. 

Obviously I choose the latter option. Sure I still panic initially when I receive a huge blow whether it be emotionally or financially ( please see here) but now instead of letting that panic get the better of me for days or weeks I can take a deep breath, focus and evaluate. And still eat lunch too. Which is always awesome, because I love lunch. 

I'm not perfect. I'll be the first to admit that. There are certain times (ahem) a month that I can't control myself. Despite my best efforts I resort to talking to myself like a parent trying to rationalize with a 5 year old:

26 year old me: This is not acceptable. This is not how adults act.

5 year old me: But he didn't text me back and it's been 15 MINUTES! Whyyy????????

26 year old me: Because we are all adults and have jobs and other responsibilities we can't always reply to texts as quickly as we'd like.

5 year old me: No, no I think he's mad at me. I should call him. Right? Yeah I'll send another text then call. Maybe I should IM first...yeah IM, text, then call....

26 year old me: Dear God there is no hope.

Yes this is the conversation that takes place in my head with whatever minute event that is going on. Bestie didn't IM today at work, Boss didn't  say goodbye when he left, My cat didn't meow at me when I walked in the door. Does anyone else get as frustrated as me when this happens? It's like I know I'm being totally irrational but I Just. Can't. Stop. Please tell me I'm not alone.

Anyway moral of this story being, when big tasks seem overwhelming and daunting, take a step back, evaluate and plan the course of action best for you. Because as much as we'd all like to have our lives planned out for the next 5 to 10 years, when something goes awry and throws a wrench in those plans the turmoil it causes can make us miss some pretty amazing things going on around us.I'll be honest long distance relationship was not on the list of things I wanted to do in life. However I wouldn't trade it now for the world. It was the best leap of faith I've ever made. Had I listened to my first initial panic like, what if it snows so much in the winter we can't see each other? Seriously? It was July why would I be worrying about snow? But had I listened to that craziness, I'd be missing out on so much awesome right now. So friends, remember don't panic, breathe and take a step back. Stop worrying about the what ifs down the road and remember to just live a moment at a time.

Cheers,

Marisa

Irresponsible activties > Responsible activies

At least that was the case today. I woke up this morning with the greatest of intentions. Gonna work out, and go grocery shopping, clean and maybe bust out my GMAT books again. You know....responsible adult things that we're expected to do. Instead I went to brunch with my ladies, drank, came home and drank some more, made cupcakes somewhere in the middle and passed out only to wake up at about 7:50pm. Failure of a day you say? Maybe...or a day of awesomeness. In fact this whole weekend has been pretty great. It did include a few of these

(Yes that is a PBR. I really need to get a new camera.)

Anyways, I'm out. I've got nothing today due to irresponsible activities. I promise to be better tomorrow. 

Cheers,

Marisa