Normally every February 8th I write a letter to my dad. In my letter I tell him about whats going on in my life, how everyone is doing and most importantly how much I miss him. However this week has been so much tougher than I thought it would be. Not only because of today, but I am up for a job and it's between myself and one other person. Please spare me the whole, "you'll of course get the job" because no matter how much I tell myself that, I know there is a real possibility that I won't get it. And the thought of being such a huge disappointment on this week of all weeks is really more than I can bear right now.
I don't know if my dad would agree with the decisions I've made, but I know he'd be supportive. I miss that. I miss that the most. Unconditional support. Not that Drew is not supportive but despite my apparent flippant attitude towards family, I wish that I had the kind of family that I could always count on. That I know I could call and they would be there for me no matter what. I suppose I do have that, just not in biological family. I had that with my dad. And I suppose right now more than ever I miss it.
Whatever the outcome of this job, I'm going to try to stay positive. Runner's up generally go on to win a crown, I should know I've been there before. I'm going to try not to let it ruin my weekend, or let it be a nasty blow to my self esteem. I suppose that's the best any of us can do, and I think my dad would be proud of that attitude.