Monday, June 21, 2010

A Look Back

"D and I weren't right for each other simple as that. There is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with him. I know that I'm right for someone and I can't go through life constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong or what I could've done different. When I meet that someone there won't be any doing something wrong because everything we do will be right because we'll be right for each other, and I can't wait for that day.

Until then I'm just going to keep being myself and doing whats right for me."

Almost 2 months ago I wrote those words. Where the hell did that girl go? I have sunk into such a self loathing, insecure pit of despair that I couldn't even imagine writing that paragraph just 4 days ago. Honestly I don't even remember writing them, thats how far into the black hole I am, or should say was. Slowly making my way out. I like to think of that post as the light at the end of the tunnel; The girl I'm going to be in the end and the girl I always will be. It has always been my poor habit of focusing so intently on my flaws and short comings that sometimes I forget what I've accomplished. It's a funny thing, there are over 6 billion people in the world but just 1 single person's rejection is enough to destroy you. What a cruel joke.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I'm Back!

Hello friends! My it has been a while since I've been on here. Let's just say I've been in a pretty dark sad place the last two months that culminated in to a drunken hysterical breakdown. Not exactly how I wanted it to happen. Then again no one really wants breakdowns to happen, but they do. Anyway, after crying for what felt like hours and just saying everything that had been on my mind for the last two months I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but better. This breakup has taken it's toll on me but I think I've reached rock bottom so to speak, and I guess the only place to go from here is up! I've learned a valuable lesson through all of this though and know now why pride is considered the ultimate deadly sin. Throughout this whole ordeal I've made it a point to proclaim that I wanted this and it was a mutual decision. However that was only to save me from having to say that I got dumped. There you have it. I was dumped. And having to pretend that everything was fine and dandy when I was in reality completely destroyed finally caught up with me this weekend. I thought I had to be strong and not let my emotions get in the way; that however was a huge mistake and a mistake that has made me miserable for months. Do not follow in my footsteps friends. While I tend to be fairly apathetic and nonchalant, no one is completely emotionless, and it's okay to let them show once in a while. Otherwise you're going to be the crazy girl outside the bar crying up a storm, and I speak from experience, no one wants to be that girl.


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