Okay seriously Walk by the Foo Fighters has been on repeat non-stop up in here. Neighbors probably love it. But that line has always been my fav, because isn't it the truth? I used to be the queen of overreacting EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE NOW!!!! Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Some obstacle has been tossed in your path and you immediately lose focus on all the other things around you because you HAVE to fix this right now and then that's when you can't breathe, the shakes set in and food? Wait people are supposed to eat daily? Yeah that's how I used to live my life, one "crisis" to the next. Spending hours upon hours agonizing over a seemingly impossible task or problem, thinking of how I'm going to fail and my life will end and I'll have no friends because who would be friends with a loser like me. This wasn't in the "plan" of how my life was supposed to go. It wasn't until my life did "end" that I actually was able to stop this behavior. Yes despite all the trepidation last year caused me I was faced with two options: I could continue with this self deprecating, anxiety ridden, emotionally damaging way of dealing with my life or, I could muster up the courage to face things head on, rationally, logically and without fear of an apocalyptic failure.
Obviously I choose the latter option. Sure I still panic initially when I receive a huge blow whether it be emotionally or financially ( please see here) but now instead of letting that panic get the better of me for days or weeks I can take a deep breath, focus and evaluate. And still eat lunch too. Which is always awesome, because I love lunch.
I'm not perfect. I'll be the first to admit that. There are certain times (ahem) a month that I can't control myself. Despite my best efforts I resort to talking to myself like a parent trying to rationalize with a 5 year old:
26 year old me: This is not acceptable. This is not how adults act.
5 year old me: But he didn't text me back and it's been 15 MINUTES! Whyyy????????
26 year old me: Because we are all adults and have jobs and other responsibilities we can't always reply to texts as quickly as we'd like.
5 year old me: No, no I think he's mad at me. I should call him. Right? Yeah I'll send another text then call. Maybe I should IM first...yeah IM, text, then call....
26 year old me: Dear God there is no hope.
Yes this is the conversation that takes place in my head with whatever minute event that is going on. Bestie didn't IM today at work, Boss didn't say goodbye when he left, My cat didn't meow at me when I walked in the door. Does anyone else get as frustrated as me when this happens? It's like I know I'm being totally irrational but I Just. Can't. Stop. Please tell me I'm not alone.
Anyway moral of this story being, when big tasks seem overwhelming and daunting, take a step back, evaluate and plan the course of action best for you. Because as much as we'd all like to have our lives planned out for the next 5 to 10 years, when something goes awry and throws a wrench in those plans the turmoil it causes can make us miss some pretty amazing things going on around us.I'll be honest long distance relationship was not on the list of things I wanted to do in life. However I wouldn't trade it now for the world. It was the best leap of faith I've ever made. Had I listened to my first initial panic like, what if it snows so much in the winter we can't see each other? Seriously? It was July why would I be worrying about snow? But had I listened to that craziness, I'd be missing out on so much awesome right now. So friends, remember don't panic, breathe and take a step back. Stop worrying about the what ifs down the road and remember to just live a moment at a time.