The First Night

Well friends as I write this I am sitting in my room at my new apartment. The first night wasn't to bad. As I said the bestie came over, a little wine and SATC always makes things better :) Anyway sleeping the first night in the apartment wasn't so bad, until 4:30 am....when the cats decided to freak out. The roomie has a cat and we haven't introduced the cats yet. I want mine to just get used to the place before throwing another cat into the mix. Anyway, for whatever reason they just started freaking out then I couldn't get back to sleep as it was dawn and the birds were chirping and my bed is up against my windows. Ah well.

So now for my good story I promised. Last week was a particularly rough week for me. D has a new girlfriend and I had to find that out via facebook, and then was asked if I could be moved out by friday (yesterday). Needless to say I've never been more sad/angry/depressed/scared/dejected in my whole life. That weekend D's sister and husband invited me up to hang out with them in the old college town and I was pretty excited to just get out of the house and go out partying. Things were going well had dinner and hit up the bars. Then talk of D and I's break up came up and I went to being a Debbie Downer. Thinking the night was over for me, we made one quick stop back at a bar where E (D's sister) knows the owner. There I met this guy who is in a Beatle's cover band and tours the country doing that and is also a songwriter out of Washington State. We hit it off and E and her husband asked if he'd like to go back to their place with us for some Mario Kart wii and a night cap. He tags along, tells us how unglamourous being a songwriter actually is and seems like an all around cool guy. (And hot) Cutting to the chase. Play some Mario, E and her husband are happy I found a cool guy and I offer to take him back to his hotel. Probably don't need to go into detail there. I'm sure you can figure out what happened. Anyway, the next morning we realized he had left his vest at E's house so I took it home and of course got on Facebook to see if I could find this guy, because I'm a creepy stalker like that. Anyway search his name and location find his profile. Friend request with a message saying that I have his vest and can send it back. My mistake was not perusing his profile first. After I friend requested him I looked over his profile......and discovered he was married. MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And accodrding to facebook married for 4 years! I stared at my laptop in disbelief. I had hooked up with a married guy. Now please keep in mind he had no wedding ring on, and I even asked about girlfriends and he said it was too hard being on the road all the time. So two lessons learned, facebooking one night stands is not a good thing. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Two: I think I'm done with musicians for a while. Never seems to end well for me. Well this is probably the first of many great stories as I chronical my single life. So I guess look forward to more adventures!

A Look Back

"D and I weren't right for each other simple as that. There is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with him. I know that I'm right for someone and I can't go through life constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong or what I could've done different. When I meet that someone there won't be any doing something wrong because everything we do will be right because we'll be right for each other, and I can't wait for that day.

Until then I'm just going to keep being myself and doing whats right for me."

Almost 2 months ago I wrote those words. Where the hell did that girl go? I have sunk into such a self loathing, insecure pit of despair that I couldn't even imagine writing that paragraph just 4 days ago. Honestly I don't even remember writing them, thats how far into the black hole I am, or should say was. Slowly making my way out. I like to think of that post as the light at the end of the tunnel; The girl I'm going to be in the end and the girl I always will be. It has always been my poor habit of focusing so intently on my flaws and short comings that sometimes I forget what I've accomplished. It's a funny thing, there are over 6 billion people in the world but just 1 single person's rejection is enough to destroy you. What a cruel joke.

I'm Back!

Hello friends! My it has been a while since I've been on here. Let's just say I've been in a pretty dark sad place the last two months that culminated in to a drunken hysterical breakdown. Not exactly how I wanted it to happen. Then again no one really wants breakdowns to happen, but they do. Anyway, after crying for what felt like hours and just saying everything that had been on my mind for the last two months I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but better. This breakup has taken it's toll on me but I think I've reached rock bottom so to speak, and I guess the only place to go from here is up! I've learned a valuable lesson through all of this though and know now why pride is considered the ultimate deadly sin. Throughout this whole ordeal I've made it a point to proclaim that I wanted this and it was a mutual decision. However that was only to save me from having to say that I got dumped. There you have it. I was dumped. And having to pretend that everything was fine and dandy when I was in reality completely destroyed finally caught up with me this weekend. I thought I had to be strong and not let my emotions get in the way; that however was a huge mistake and a mistake that has made me miserable for months. Do not follow in my footsteps friends. While I tend to be fairly apathetic and nonchalant, no one is completely emotionless, and it's okay to let them show once in a while. Otherwise you're going to be the crazy girl outside the bar crying up a storm, and I speak from experience, no one wants to be that girl.

When Shopping Online...EDIT

Caveat Emptor. I just learned this the hard way. I usually refrain from clothes shopping online as you can never be sure about fit, color, size you know things that really matter when purchasing clothes. Well mi madre gave me a gift card to JCPenney for my b-day and I did NOT want to venture out to the store to actually shop since it was Christmas time so I thought, why not try online shopping. Well I found a bunch of sweet deals, and one shirt that I took a chance on. I've become addicted to long tunics and leggings and my ankle boots. So I found this shirt for only 5 DOLLARS, so I thought what the hey, looks good on the model. So, I made the leap and bought it. Since it was only 5 bucks I thought why not be daring. It's not something I would normally pick out but time to try new things right?

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because when you step out of your comfort zone this is what you get.

(Hi. Did someone call for a janitor?)

Yeah, D called it an "attempt at a classy janitor shirt." And with that it is going back and I will find something else for my 5 bucks. Seriously when they said "billowy shirt" they were not kidding. Check out the sleeves.

(come sail away with meeeeeeeee....)

Ugh so this just reaffirms my belief that buying online is for those who love to gamble, the risk takers of the world. It is not meant for people like me. Lesson learned.

Now wear is my mop?

EDIT: The bestie pointed out this fabulous comment on the website:

"This top looks even better on than you can see in the picture. I had so many compliments when I wore this top."

Written By: penshop

Location: Littleton, Colorado

Age: 50-60

I am banned from online shopping.