Dear Daddy

It’s been 4 years today. I can’t believe it; it still feels like yesterday when Mom called so early in the morning to break the news. I should’ve gone home and been there. But I know you would’ve been mad at me for neglecting my studies. So much has happened in four years. I graduated! I wish you could’ve been there, but I know you were still proud of me. I didn’t move back home, I stayed here in Iowa and moved to Des Moines. I built a life here for myself, and I know that it’s because of you and your guidance and support that I am where I am today. I may not have always listened to you (okay you were right should’ve stayed away from musicians) but I always appreciated your unconditional support when I didn’t. You let me make my own mistakes and learn from them, but were always there to pick me back up and keep pushing me forward. There have been times in the last year where I wanted to give up and admit defeat but I thought of you reminding me that this isn’t so bad and that I’m stronger than that. So I did as you had always taught me and kept my head up and carried on, and you know what? It wasn’t so bad and now I couldn’t be happier. Yes, Will and I are still friends. I know you are curious as he was always your favorite. He’s finishing law school this year, and then I think he’s done because unless he’s going for PhD, there is nothing left. (Love you Will) Danielle is married and has a new baby boy! Can you believe it? We’re getting so old; seems like only yesterday we were building forts out of kitchen chairs and blankets.

I miss you and still think of you every day, but don’t worry about me; this little princess is doing just fine on her own. I still have my Birkenstocks…you know the ones you called Jesus cleats. I think I keep them just for that joke.

Love you,

Marisa

Blogging my heart out

Readers that have been here a while know, that this is my outlet. When I'm at my saddest I let it out. But now I'm angry and I need to let it out. That and I have a 2.5 hour wait for my train and it's cold and snowy in the city so no Chicago shopping for this kid right now. And I feel like I'm about to boil over so I found some wifi and and am just going to get it out. I'm hurt and sad and angry. Hurt because I was promised we'd always be best friends. No matter what. Angry because then I got shut out. Ex-communicated, treated like an undesirable. Sad because I lost one of the best friends I ever had. That hurt more than anything. Seriously, more than anything. I feel defeated because I tried and was just shot down and shut out every time when all I wanted was your friendship. I am happy for you, I want you to have a happy long life, just as I hope you want the same for me. There really isn't a lot else to say. This isn't magically going to get better overnight. I've put myself out there only to get rejected and hurt one too many times to just forgive and forget. If it's important to you like it is to me, we'll work through it somehow. If not, then I wish you all the best.

P.S. I miss my dogs more than anything in the world.

After a long absence

I'm back! Don't ask me what happened the last week and a half I have no idea. A mega heat wave hit the midwest for a week and I think I was just in survival mode. I've think we've made it through the worst of the summer and hopefully fall is just around the corner. That way you know I can actually spend time in my room, on my computer without sweating to death.

I don't have to much to update really. This last week has been pretty non-descript. My Dad's birthday is Friday so I've been preparing myself for that. Although it couldn't be on a worse week since my hormones are all out of whack and that probably isn't going to help. It's been three years since he's been gone and still, August 20th makes me so sad. Hopefully though I can surround myself with good friends and have a toast to my Dad and remember all the good times.

Oh, my one exciting piece of news....I got a blackberry! I finally decided to join the 21st century.