Sorry folks no fashion today. Actual thoughts and semi-respectable writing. Who am I kidding, this is going to be a big mess of my thoughts but let's be fancy and call it "stream of consciousness" writing okay?
So remember back in the day...like 2 months ago, when I wrote about the epic battle of head vs. heart? And I was all ohhh woe is me this is an OMG crisis! Do you go for the hot guy with the credentials or the hot guy perhaps without the credentials but (ahem) makes up for it elsewhere? Sometimes I put the cart before the horse because while I was sitting here bemoaning my internal struggle between hot guys the question I hadn't even answered for myself is....do I even want a boyfriend? Again, cart before horse. I know. I drew you a picture to illustrate
That brings us to here. Once again I'm in a debate with myself. I know that I've said I don't want to settle down, but I think I've unfairly associated "boyfriend" with "settling down". I somehow have it in my head that a boyfriend = loss of freedom, painting things, never making friends again, no more adventure, darning socks on a Friday night. Do not ask where my brain comes up with these things. Please see above picture for insight into how my brain works.
While I'm not 100% sure that I do want a boyfriend, I will admit there are times that I feel alone. That I wish there was that one person that just gets me, that I can do fun things with, or do nothing with. That I can watch tv shows on Netflix with...and by that I mean they can watch them and I'll do something else but just pop in periodically and ask that they fill me in on everything. So then I can tell people that I watch popular television without testing my ability to sit down for extended periods of time.
The other part of me says I'm not ready for a boyfriend just yet. Part of it being not ready for monogamy and not ready to take someone elses life into consideration when planning trips or career moves or anything of that nature. If I decide I want to go to grad school and I want to go in Oregon, I want to be able to just go and not worry about leaving someone or figuring out how they're going to come too. Just not ready for that yet.
And after all that fancy stream of consciousness writing I think I've realized that when the time is right, I'll probably find a boyfriend and I probably shouldn't be worrying about whether or not I even want one. It's not an equation you can magically work out, or even something that will happen when your life seems to be in order. Although having things in order is probably a good start.
Thanks for reading lovelies! Please still be my friend.
Cheers!
Marisa
