I had a dream last night that prompted me to realize what my worst fear is. My worst fear is everyone settling down and me being left behind. At this point in my life I cannot fathom myself settling down (again). Where weekends are spent doing home improvement things and there is painting involved. Not that I'm looking down on that sort of life at all. I'm just saying it's not for me. I've tried it and well, it did not make me happy like I thought it would. (Disclaimer: my unhappiness has was not in anyway due to the person I was with. He was a wonderful boyfriend.) I just felt like that was the direction I was supposed to take with my life. Graduate, house, be a grown up, do grown up things. I loved D more than anything and I tried, we tried really, but in the end we wanted different things. Obviously considering the direction our lives have taken since breaking up; There are wedding bells in his future and mine includes any plane, train or automobile that goes any and everywhere taking me on my next adventure. However, that does not mean I don't want to find "the one". I do, but my one will be on the same path as me. Wanting the same adventures as me. Honestly I can't wait to find him, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for that day to come obviously. Too much to do and see, too much life to live. I'll run into him eventually. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not till my 30's. Maybe it'll be in Des Moines or at base camp when I'm on my first Everest Expedition. I'm in no rush, I still thoroughly enjoy my own company. After all, I am the coolest person I know :)
Please don't think I'm a weirdo palm reader, psychic, crystal therapy person. I don't really get into dream interpretation. But this one was well, weird enough for me to do a recap when I woke up and it was obvious the theme was unhappiness and abandonment. It also had some comical moments so I'll share.
I can't remember how it started but the first thing I remember is driving to a mountain in Colorado that we were going to climb. Oddly enough the drive looked exactly like the drive from Des Moines to Ames. Whatever. On the way there we got hit with a massive blizzard and had to turn around. I was completely devastated since I've been working soooo hard for it. So we turn around and head back to....some town I guess where I run into D and apparently we're back together. Which did NOT make me happy in fact quite the opposite. Trapped, defeated, unhappy. (Again NOT because of him by any means. He's just the symbol for my prior unhappiness with the direction my life was going) Then we went into like a German beer hall where I see my Colorado friend with some girl who is apparently his new girlfriend and now I couldn't go stay with him. (I know makes no sense since I was supposed to already be there because we got caught in the blizzard. Don't question my dreams) Anyways this whole dream just left me all sorts of sad, unhappy and abandoned. What was the comical part you ask? The besties twin brother was in it too....wearing lederhosen.
Well now you know what my dreams are like. Hope you never end up in them.
Have a happy Friday kiddos!
Prost! (German Cheers),