Sunday, July 4, 2010

A House But Not A Home

I'm all unpacked finally and everything is in it's place....for the most part. I'd like to say I'm all settled into my new home. But this isn't home, it's just the place that I live. Home is a mile away. Where I spent three years making a house a home. With someone who no longer wants to have a home with me. I can't go back to that house. Knowing someone else has been there. There is still some stuff there that I want, but the thought of stepping foot in that house again has me in tears. That was our home we built together, and just like that I'm out. I didn't think it would be possible to still be sad, to still get depressed but it is. I want to move on so badly but I don't know how. I just wish I could find an instruction manual on how to go on with life. My life still revolves around D; What he's doing, who he's with, where he is. I just want to stop thinking about him. I want to focus on myself, what I'm doing where I'm going. But it's a lot easier said than done. How do you just move on from someone who was the biggest part of your life for 5 years? For 5 years my life revolved around D, and all I wanted to do was to make him happy for the rest of his life. That was my mission in life the thing that I wanted to strive to do everyday for the rest of my life. Now that thats over...I don't know what to do. I have no sense of direction no purpose. God someday I'm going to stop being this pathetic, and I hope that day is soon. Because I honestly am getting sick of myself.

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