Sunday, April 25, 2010

My Apologies

I've been pretty scarce around here in the last month. In fact I've haven't posted in a month. I wish I could blame it on being busy but alas, I have no real excuse. I honestly have had a billion ideas of posts running through my head lately and this is the first time I've decided to sit down and write it out. I suppose most of my ideas haven't be light happy ones about fashion, or awesome good times in Des Moines. Just some conversations I've been having with myself lately that I thought would make good posts. The one I'm going to try to tackle today is : What is wrong with me?

Let me explain. Although D and I parted amicably deciding that we both would be much happier as just friends that question has been running through my head ever since. Why can't he be happy with me? What's wrong with me? Did I not do something enough, or something to much? Despite also wanting out of the relationship I suppose my self-centered ego can't grasp the concept that someone doesn't actually think I'm the shit. I mean I'm pretty, smart, fun, and witty what guy wouldn't want me? I know you're probably thinking I'm a bitch but honestly who hasn't had these thoughts post breakup?

The other thing I've been thinking along these lines is, dating new people is inevitable. So what will this new girl have that I don't? Why will she be different? Why will she be able to keep him happy when I couldn't? Again: What is wrong with me?

I know it sounds like I'm not ready to move on, that I'm trying to think of a way to get D back, but that is far from it. I suppose I'm writing this as a way to get it out to force my self to realize the answer to What is wrong with me?

Absolutely Nothing. Thats what.

D and I weren't right for each other simple as that. There is nothing wrong with me and nothing wrong with him. I know that I'm right for someone and I can't go through life constantly wondering what I'm doing wrong or what I could've done different. When I meet that someone there won't be any doing something wrong because everything we do will be right because we'll be right for each other, and I can't wait for that day.

Until then I'm just going to keep being myself and doing whats right for me.

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