Just over a year ago I wrote this post . Kind of crazy that just 360 some odd days ago I was in that place. Scared of my new apartment, scared of being on my own. Scared of life in general. I was so convinced that the world was going to come crashing down on me even more than it already had. How that would have been possible I don't know, but I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom. Not surprisingly enough, just a year ago was the last panic attack I've ever had. At the time I figured it was the first of many to come, since I was so sure that I couldn't take care of myself, that I would never ever make it on my own. I didn't know how. I was 25 years old and had never had to live a moment of my adult life on my own. Seems pathetic actually putting it in writing. Obviously a lot has happened in this past year, way more than I ever thought would. To be honest when I first moved out of the house and into my home (see what I did there?) my thought was that I would find someone new and basically repeat the cycle. The next year I'd be blogging from my new home with my new bf. I don't know why I thought that. I don't know if it's because I felt that I had to prove how awesome I am, like how could someone not want me as their girlfriend?
As it turns out, I wasn't so interested in being anyone's girlfriend. I hate to be all teen movie, who am I, what is the meaning of life? But this year has been one of learning and dare I say, self discovery. Please note I want to punch myself in the face for saying that and trying to sound artsy and deep. In all honesty though, it's been an adventure, I know exactly who I am, what I want, and most of all I love sharing every single ridiculous moment of it with all of you.
Can't wait to see what I reflect on next year. Most likely some outrageous shenanigan. However I've declared summer 2011 married guy free. And well every summer....and every other season too.
Cheers!
Marisa
oh i feel the same! i have so many things in my head that i would like to see realized!
ReplyDeletekisses from La Mode En Rose = )
Yea um sad I've never lived alone really either. Sad stories oh well :) Well played on the Easy A reference :)
ReplyDeleteGood to hear you've found yourself and that it's been so long since your last panic attack. (Stop punching yourself in the face, lol.)
ReplyDeleteit's amazing how far we can go in a year.
ReplyDeletewell congrats to you on being panic-free! that is major! and figuring out who you are and what you really want (and/or what you DON'T want) is also major!
ReplyDeleteCongrats dear! You've come far in just a year :)
ReplyDeleteMelanie@Unravelled Threads
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good for youuu :) a year can make a huuuuge difference i think.. i read your post and it is definitely a sick joke that one person can make you CRAZY.. definitely been there. luckily time does help things.. although no one that's freshly feeling rejection EVER wants to hear that.
ReplyDeletewait so that quote is from easy a?? i have the worst movie quote memory! my friend are always quoting movies and i never know what they're from even if i JUST watched the movie 10 minutes ago. boooooooo