Friday, February 19, 2010

I'm Soooo Soooo Sorry....

For that last post. Seriously wtf was that? Anyway, here's what I really was trying to say in that post.

I am alone.
(image via we heart it )
Not in the, I like to do things alone kind of way. I'm alone, I have no one. No family here. Nothing. No one. Perhaps this is being exacerbated by the fact that I'm sick, but I can honestly say that I've never felt more alone in my entire life. It sucks. No it beyond sucks. It might be the worst feeling in the world. What happened to the "I have my whole life ahead of me" kind of mentality? I'd like to get that back please. Because I'm fearful of slipping back into that deep dark pit of despair and self loathing reminiscent of post college graduation when I didn't have a job. I thought that was the worst time of my life; however this is starting to creep up there.

I'm having a hard time deciding if I just miss the familiar or if I truly do want to work things out with D. Considering it's only been a week since the breakup, I'm going to go with missing the familiar. I miss the routine. I am out of my comfort zone and boy am I uncomfortable.

Sorry for the outburst of depressing-ness. I'm hoping it passes along with this illness, because I don't think I can take much more of it.

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