It's Always You and Your Big Dreams...

Sorry folks no fashion today. Actual thoughts and semi-respectable writing. Who am I kidding, this is going to be a big mess of my thoughts but let's be fancy and call it "stream of consciousness" writing okay? 

So remember back in the day...like 2 months ago, when I wrote about the epic battle of head vs. heart? And I was all ohhh woe is me this is an OMG crisis! Do you go for the hot guy with the credentials or the hot guy perhaps without the credentials but (ahem) makes up for it elsewhere? Sometimes I put the cart before the horse because while I was sitting here bemoaning my internal struggle between hot guys the question I hadn't even answered for myself is....do I even want a boyfriend? Again, cart before horse. I know. I drew you a picture to illustrate

That brings us to here. Once again I'm in a debate with myself. I know that I've said I don't want to settle down, but I think I've unfairly associated "boyfriend" with "settling down". I somehow have it in my head that a boyfriend = loss of freedom, painting things, never making friends again, no more adventure, darning socks on a Friday night. Do not ask where my brain comes up with these things. Please see above picture for insight into how my brain works. 

While I'm not 100% sure that I do want a boyfriend, I will admit there are times that I feel alone. That I wish there was that one person that just gets me, that I can do fun things with, or do nothing with. That I can watch tv shows on Netflix with...and by that I mean they can watch them and I'll do something else but just pop in periodically and ask that they fill me in on everything. So then I can tell people that I watch popular television without testing my ability to sit down for extended periods of time. 

The other part of me says I'm not ready for a boyfriend just yet. Part of it being not ready for monogamy and not ready to take someone elses life into consideration when planning trips or career moves or anything of that nature. If I decide I want to go to grad school and I want to go in Oregon, I want to be able to just go and not worry about leaving someone or figuring out how they're going to come too. Just not ready for that yet. 

And after all that fancy stream of consciousness writing I think I've realized that when the time is right, I'll probably find a boyfriend and I probably shouldn't be worrying about whether or not I even want one. It's not an equation you can magically work out, or even something that will happen when your life seems to be in order. Although having things in order is probably a good start.

 

Thanks for reading lovelies! Please still be my friend.

Cheers!

Marisa

Head Vs. Heart: Who Wins and How Do You Decide?

(image via we heart it )


I've been working on this post for some time now. Mostly while I'm running, that's when my best thinking happens. It's a topic I've encountered in my now full year as a single girl in various relationships and certain indiscretions. We've all been there before; in the heat of the moment your head is saying one thing and your heart is saying another. How do you decide which one is right? Your head may be screaming at you "idiot! Do not! I repeat DO NOT!" but your heart is saying "Go with it." Sometimes certain qualities a man may possess make us want everything to work out. Like in The Ugly Truth, the Walking Resume. The guy or girl that possesses all the qualities you may have on that checklist in your head. (Let's be honest everyone has that checklist; guy girl doesn't matter we all know what qualities we want in a partner.) When a man (or woman) meets all that criteria it's hard not to just jump right in and think to yourself this is it! How could it not be right? I mean this is your walking checklist. The man or women of your dreams. Your head is telling you to go go go, but your heart....it's not there. Because while someone may possess all those qualities you've decided in your head are exactly what you want/need, they are meaningless with out that spark, without that certain look that goes straight though you and makes your heart race.

Then there is the opposite. The person that might meet your criteria or might not, but you know in your head that it's not right, or can't work out for whatever reason. You know maybe they're a Jet and you're a Shark, or it's just a plain old complicated mess. So you convince yourself that it's never going to work, pack up those feelings and push them out of sight out of mind. Until you see them, and they have that look that makes your heart race, and when they kiss you you can't stop yourself because your heart has KO'd your head and there is nothing else but you, them and that passion that brought you together in the first place. Then the next day the cycle starts all over again. Not gonna work out, it's all wrong must forget about it blah blah blah. 

Encountering both in my last year I can honestly say, I don't have a fucking clue. I wish I did, and I really like to think that there is a happy median somewhere. At the end of the day I guess you just have to ask yourself if you're comfortable settling with the walking checklist. Or, are you strong enough to fight for the one that takes your breath away every time?