Lucid Dreaming

I'm a lucid dreamer. Are you? It's kind of an awesome thing really, it prevents nightmares from scaring the bejeezus out of me and also allows me to dictate my dreams ending. Which usually involves me being a bad ass and going all John McClane on someone. Anyways, while I allow myself to indulge my inner Die Hard fantasies, I always try to focus on what happened before I realized I was dreaming. I'm a firm believer that dreams are a manifestation of certain things going on in our lives that may be be bothering us that we aren't aware of or don't realize how much they are bothering us. Take Sunday night for an example:

So in my dream, I'm in some college town that I assume is supposed to be Ames, but it doesn't look a thing like Ames. Besides the point. I'm going to some house party to meet Drew and when I get there these two girls start talking to me and I have no idea who they are but they tell me I should ask Drew how his weekend was and I'm like alright you dumb whores I will. So I find him, and am all sooooo how was your weekend? (pretty sure it was the weekend in my dream...whatever I'm not a genius) and he's all oh it was fine. And the dumb whores behind me chime in something to the fact that he had hooked up with someone else. So dream self is all wtf is that true? To which he replies, well yeah, you live in Des Moines. It's at this point that I realize that I'm dreaming because dream self gets upset and storms outside and is making sobbing sounds but I. Can't. Cry. And in my dream I am all WHY AREN"T YOU CRYING? THIS IS THE SADDEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! Thats when I knew that I couldn't cry, because this isn't real because this would never happen. The boy who sends me good morning texts from his hunting tree perch to wish me a wonderful day and sends me emails that have strategically placed thought out emoticons wouldn't do that. So instead of going all John McClane in college dream land, I just woke up. 

I made myself wake up because I knew exactly why this dream happened. I've been stressing out about relocating to Minneapolis lately. I'm terrified that it could take me forever to find a job. And while I know I'm not technically from Iowa (and by technically I mean I'm not at all) this is still my home. And this is where my family is at. Okay not my biological family but the family I'm closest to. I truly do want, more than anything, to move and finally live in the same city, but my anxiety/ocd does not allow me to just skedaddle on out of Des Moines. There are so many things I want to make sure are thought out first, but sometimes it's just too overwhelming. 

Anyone ever had to relocate? Any advice? Suggestions? Good therapists in Des Moines/Minneapolis...???

Cheers, 

Marisa

My Worst Fear

I had a dream last night that prompted me to realize what my worst fear is. My worst fear is everyone settling down and me being left behind. At this point in my life I cannot fathom myself settling down (again). Where weekends are spent doing home improvement things and there is painting involved. Not that I'm looking down on that sort of life at all. I'm just saying it's not for me. I've tried it and well, it did not make me happy like I thought it would. (Disclaimer: my unhappiness has was not in anyway due to the person I was with. He was a wonderful boyfriend.) I just felt like that was the direction I was supposed to take with my life. Graduate, house, be a grown up, do grown up things. I loved D more than anything and I tried, we tried really, but in the end we wanted different things. Obviously considering the direction our lives have taken since breaking up; There are wedding bells in his future and mine includes any plane, train or automobile that goes any and everywhere taking me on my next adventure. However, that does not mean I don't want to find "the one". I do, but my one will be on the same path as me. Wanting the same adventures as me. Honestly I can't wait to find him, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for that day to come obviously. Too much to do and see, too much life to live. I'll run into him eventually. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not till my 30's. Maybe it'll be in Des Moines or at base camp when I'm on my first Everest Expedition. I'm in no rush, I still thoroughly enjoy my own company. After all, I am the coolest person I know :)

Please don't think I'm a weirdo palm reader, psychic, crystal therapy person. I don't really get into dream interpretation. But this one was well, weird enough for me to do a recap when I woke up and it was obvious the theme was unhappiness and  abandonment. It also had some comical moments so I'll share.

I can't remember how it started but the first thing I remember is driving to a mountain in Colorado that we were going to climb. Oddly enough the drive looked exactly like the drive from Des Moines to Ames. Whatever. On the way there we got hit with a massive blizzard and had to turn around. I was completely devastated since I've been working soooo hard for it. So we turn around and head back to....some town I guess where I run into D and apparently we're back together. Which did NOT make me happy in fact quite the opposite. Trapped, defeated, unhappy. (Again NOT because of him by any means. He's just the symbol for my prior unhappiness with the direction my life was going) Then we went into like a German beer hall where I see my Colorado friend with some girl who is apparently his new girlfriend and now I couldn't go stay with him. (I know makes no sense since I was supposed to already be there because we got caught in the blizzard. Don't question my dreams) Anyways this whole dream just left me all sorts of sad, unhappy and abandoned. What was the comical part you ask? The besties twin brother was in it too....wearing lederhosen.

 (via)

Well now you know what my dreams are like. Hope you never end up in them.


Have a happy Friday kiddos!


Prost! (German Cheers),

Marisa