By now you've guessed that I love the holidays and my birthday, but there are always a few times when my Christmas spirit completely tanks and I find myself in tears listening to The Christmas Shoes driving home from work. It's at these times when I'm listening to these sad sappy songs that I start thinking about Christmas 2006, and how it was the last Christmas I would have with my Dad.
My parents tried to tell me I didn't need to come home since weather was always iffy and they didn't want me getting stuck and not able to get back to school. But my Dad was finally out of the hospital and I was determined to go home. I can't even tell you what I got that year, I didn't care. All that I cared about was that my Dad was home, and that meant things were on the up and up. I slept with one eye open the entire time I was home waiting for something bad to happen but it never did. Feeling hopeful and confident that all would be well, I headed back to school to start my very last semester of college and begin preparing for Miss Johnson and Jackson County.
Unfortunately I never got to compete in Miss Jackson County. February 8th my Mom called early in the morning to tell me that Daddy had passed away. I remember the shock, but I didn't cry. At first I was angry that I wasn't there. I should have taken a leave of absence from school for a while to be back home. I knew though that Dad would have been angry at me for neglecting school and making a fuss over him. I was then so happy that I had gone home for Christmas and got to spend one more Birthday with my Dad. He made sure that I had everything I could ever need growing up and always supported me no matter how ridiculous my plans.
So while sometimes the holidays can get me down with a sad song or two, I just remember all the happy holidays we had together and how he didn't judge me and just laughed when came stumbling home after Christmas at the bars on my 21st Birthday :)
Cheers,
Marisa
i am so sorry you lost your father. and you are so young. that is so difficult!
ReplyDeleteso many people have a tough time during the holidays. it brings up so many good things, but also so many other feelings that can be so difficult to deal with.
hugs to you.
Awww hugs Marisa...my dad passed away too and so I know this time of year is hard too but it sounds like you have such fond memories of him....
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that your father passed away.. I'm so glad that you got to spend one last Christmas with him, though. I'm sure he's looking down on you now!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that your father passed away. I think these times of the year are tough as we especially missed our loved ones who have passed. I am glad you have fond memories of that last Christmas together. Sending hugs!
ReplyDeleteOw, I actually got a little teary eyed from this post. I think you're doing a great job cherishing your father and celebrating his life by remembering the good times.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sad story but I love the candidness of your blog. Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading this at work and keep screwing up my face to stop the tears :( Losing my parents is one of my biggest fears. Hopefully it's a long while off yet but I guess you never know.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've got happy memories of him xx