Blogging my heart out

Readers that have been here a while know, that this is my outlet. When I'm at my saddest I let it out. But now I'm angry and I need to let it out. That and I have a 2.5 hour wait for my train and it's cold and snowy in the city so no Chicago shopping for this kid right now. And I feel like I'm about to boil over so I found some wifi and and am just going to get it out. I'm hurt and sad and angry. Hurt because I was promised we'd always be best friends. No matter what. Angry because then I got shut out. Ex-communicated, treated like an undesirable. Sad because I lost one of the best friends I ever had. That hurt more than anything. Seriously, more than anything. I feel defeated because I tried and was just shot down and shut out every time when all I wanted was your friendship. I am happy for you, I want you to have a happy long life, just as I hope you want the same for me. There really isn't a lot else to say. This isn't magically going to get better overnight. I've put myself out there only to get rejected and hurt one too many times to just forgive and forget. If it's important to you like it is to me, we'll work through it somehow. If not, then I wish you all the best.

P.S. I miss my dogs more than anything in the world.

Happy New Year/Merry Christmas!

So once again laptop issues. Or so I thought. I don't want to talk about it, it's too embarrassing. Anyway, my birthday has come and passed (the big 26...yes on Christmas Day!) and I have to say it was one of my best ever! I am so lucky to have such amazing friends that take me out to lunch and go to the bar with me on my birthday. Which I know is the norm for almost everyone in the world, but my birthday is on Christmas. So getting to spend my birthday (re: NOT Christmas) with my friends is so amazing. I wish I had pictures to share, but I don't. Big thanks to everyone who came out. I love you. No really, I do.

I also had a big New Years post planned, you know the relfection on 2010 and resolutions and all that jazz. But it's a little late for that so here is a summary:

* 2010 was a really rough year.

* In 2010 I learned just how incredible my friends truly are.

* I learned married guys don't always wear wedding rings....or mention wives

* I learned that it's okay to live life for myself.

There you have it. I don't really make New Years resolutions, nothing finite like lose 20lbs by June. Not that I want/need to lose 20lbs. Just an example. Anyway, for 2011 I have simply decided to just live. Thats all. Take every opportunity to try everything I can, explore everywhere I can (Hello England!), and just take in everything I can. Pretty sure that's a New Years resolution I can stick too. Oh speaking of New Years, on NYE the ladies and I had a glorious lunch (Royal Mile, best fish and chips around!) and saw Black Swan. SUCH a good movie. Especially being a ballet lover. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis where amazing and I totally want to see it again.


All right kiddos, I'm out. Promise to be around more. Now that phantom laptop problems aren't holding me back. Until next time I leave you with some pics of my low key, best New Years Eve ever party, hosted by my awesome friend/co-worker Mike.

(Yeah it's illegal and I did it. What what?!?!?!?)

( I love and hate this picture because Jeff looks better than me )

(Mike, our host, looking like Seth Rogan in Zach and Miri Make A Porno)

( Everyone had fun and it was nothing but love)

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers!

Marisa

Hindsight is 20/20

" I love him more than anything but, it's frustrating loving someone so much who possibly doesn't love you just as much"

Those words were written in the spring of 2006 by yours truly. Oh my 21 year old self you were not as dumb as I thought! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I wish I would've gone with my instincts and ended things with D right then and there. We had a great journey together for about the next 4 years after that, and I wouldn't change it. Yes it'd be nice to have avoided the crushing heartbreak but I wouldn't be who I am today, and I must say I rather like myself. Sometimes I'm really glad I keep journals; reflecting on your past thoughts sometimes gives you better insight into your life in the present.

On a funnier note, I also am now in possession of my old HS journal.....let's just say that one is not very insightful. ( But I was in loovvveee.) Ha!

Anndddd on a more exciting note....only 8 months and 24 days till I'm in

LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Image via google)

I am beyond excited. I already have a list of things I want to do and see, hopefully I can accomplish it all within a weeks time. I've never been to Europe before and this is going to be my first solo vacation ever. No baby steps for this kid, go big or go home. Now, if I can meet this guy

(Image via photobucket)

Then we'd fall madly in love and I'd be Mrs. The Doctor and well friends, I'd be moving to the UK.

So, keeps your fingers crossed that 1.) I don't get lost in the Barcelona airport because I'm a terrible Mexican and can't speak Spanish. 2.) I don't cut my life short by attempting to drive in London, and 3.) That I DO meet David Tennant and he proposes on the spot.

Cheers!

Marisa